The roles we play, part 2
Reduction
The reduction of a person to an external feature, a disability or another quality that does not correspond to the norm is something that frequently occurs in society. This phenomenon does not only involve people with disabilities – others are also affected by it, for instance as a result of racism or homophobia. The fact that the wheelchair is the first thing which catches our eye about a person with impaired mobility is something I can understand. Despite this, we should still attempt to view the person in question as a complete and equal individual, with all their abilities and inabilities, strengths and weaknesses. Our primary interest should be in the individual themselves and not in their disability or the “story” behind it. Once we know them better and have established the necessary basis for our relationship with them, of course we can begin to talk about biographical facts like disabilities in more depth.
Not only should we avoid reducing others to their external appearance; we should also remember that some disabilities are not immediately apparent. A person with an invisible disability might use a disabled parking space, for example. Of course there are also some people who park in these spaces without the required permit, which is frustrating. If I notice a person without an obvious disability getting out of their car in a disabled parking space, I simply remind them in a friendly way that to avoid a fine, they shouldn’t forget to display their disabled parking permit.
Being looked down on
It is a situation that most wheelchair users are familiar with and will have noticed, either consciously or unconsciously. I am referring to drinks receptions and standing lunches, where the other guests literally “look down on” the wheelchair user. For a long time I didn’t realise why I felt less comfortable in these situations than in conversations where all participants are at the same level. Quite apart from the fact that – as an introverted person who grew up with a hesitation to interact with people living with disability – small talk has never been my forte, the distance is greater and it is harder to hear when one person is sitting and the other standing. As a result, I greatly appreciate it when the people I am talking to are at the same level as me. It creates a more pleasant atmosphere for the conversation; we don’t have to speak so loudly and can look one another in the eye as equals. Yet I would never want to “force others to their knees” or ask them to “debase” themselves by stooping down. For one thing, some people would find it uncomfortable and might struggle to get back up, and for another, I avoid making special requests. At events like these, it already helps to a certain extent if I spend more time at the margins and avoid the busiest parts of the room.
The tendency to “elevate” people with disabilities
Time and again, I hear people with disabilities being singled out for particular praise or treated as heroes during speeches and on other occasions. The intention behind this is good, I believe – it is to brighten the supposedly negative, pity-deserving image of people with disabilities. Since they are particularly keen to set the record straight, the individuals making these claims do not simply “normalise” the image of disabled people but shift it to the positive extreme. The idea that non-disabled people could learn from those with disabilities is often mentioned. It is true that they might be able to learn something, but then again they might not – it depends entirely on the individual circumstances. As human beings, we can all learn from one another, in a positive and a negative sense.
Pity
As a person with a disability, pity is something I often experience. I think many people confuse pity with empathy. The term “pity” describes a personal feeling of sympathy and compassion for the supposed sufferings and misfortunes of others. If this pity is expressed, the supposedly “suffering” person will often reject it on the grounds that they do not want to be pitied. It is indeed the case that feelings like these help no one – neither the supposed victim of suffering nor the person who is doing the pitying, especially if the “sufferer” was never suffering in the first place. But pity isn’t something that we can choose to have or not have. I had to learn to understand that I must tolerate this pity. I cannot simply reject it out of hand. The person who feels this way cannot do anything about the fact that something in them has triggered this feeling. The process is usually involuntary. I have to accept this and can only attempt to explain that I am not suffering and that pity therefore does not benefit anyone. As a general rule, we should exercise restraint when it comes to ascribing suffering to others. We say far too often and far too quickly that a person is suffering from something. So-and-so is suffering from such-and-such a disability or such-and-such a disease. But do we know for certain that this person is actually suffering and is actually a victim of their circumstances? We often think that this must be the case because we would be suffering in their situation, but this is merely an assumption and therefore a form of stigmatisation.
By contrast, empathy is never a bad thing. But it is important that we do not feel it only towards people we think are suffering, but towards all our fellow humans and our entire environment.
Charity
In my childhood and teenage years in particular, people would sometimes slip a banknote into my hand for no apparent reason. Turning it down was difficult, as the donors usually insisted on doing me this favour. They felt rejected or sad if they were not permitted to help. I suspect this is an example of what is known as the “warm glow effect”, which is when the act of making a donation gives the donor a sense of satisfaction.
Inspiration
The media and societal portrayal of people with disabilities (or other uncommon life circumstances) as inspiring purely on the basis of their life circumstances is a phenomenon known as “inspiration porn”. The word “porn” is used because the people in question are being used as objects of inspiration for the benefit of others. The term was coined by the late Australian disability rights activist Stella Young and refers to a form of discrimination.
People are inspired when they see others performing extraordinary feats or overcoming great obstacles. There’s nothing wrong with that in principle. At the end of the day, we all like to draw inspiration from all sorts of things and maybe even become a source of inspiration for others ourselves. However, a disability is not an obstacle to overcome, and it is not a sensation. A person with a disability should not be applauded for going about their daily life, as this conveys the message that they would naturally be incapable of doing the things that non-disabled people do. A blanket assumption is made that life with a disability is “difficult” and that all ordinary activities become extraordinary as a result. When people with disabilities are praised for doing ordinary things, it shows that society has lower expectations of them.
So if I do my shopping or take care of other everyday tasks, I don’t see this as particularly inspiring as these are not extraordinary activities for a non-disabled person.
Some people even go so far as to compare themselves to a disabled person in order to feel better or, in rare cases, superior. It is not uncommon, for example, for people to say to me that they should not complain about their life and that they are so lucky and should be happy that they can still do this or that activity. Pity plays a big role here. The person believes that they are better off than me, the supposed sufferer who is grappling with his fate. The question of whether this is true or not on that particular day shall remain unanswered.
Everyday obstacles
There are obstacles that make everyday life harder. For instance when I as a wheelchair user am refused entry to a bus for safety reasons because there are already other wheelchair users on it, or when a lift can only be operated with the help of staff members. Disabled toilets should not be used by people who are not reliant on them, and they also should not be used as a storeroom. I believe that the Eurokey is a good solution, especially with regard to the use of lifts and toilets.
These are just a few examples from our day-to-day lives. I am sure that plenty more could be added. I am also aware that my mobility as an athlete means that I encounter fewer obstacles than people with greater disabilities. Despite these critical remarks, it is very important to me to emphasise that the vast majority of my experiences in daily life are pleasant and positive. People respect me and take me seriously. What is more, it is impossible to please everyone and meet everybody’s needs all the time. Feelings and opinions are individual matters. The key for me is that we all try to be tolerant, patient and considerate towards one another, see things from other people’s perspective and display some good old common sense.
Sport is one of the things that has enabled me to gain confidence and develop a belief in myself. In turn, this helps me to define my role in society and avoid being influenced too much by the expectations of others. Overall, my life as a para-athlete and human being is a journey that is full of challenges but also full of joy and fulfilment.