The roles we play, part 1
All of us have roles in society that we believe we have to fulfil. We get ‘pigeonholed’, with the resulting fixed role models, stereotypes and prejudices. These roles are assigned to us on the basis of our external features, abilities, activities, attitudes, preferences and much more. Some are obvious, others more subtle. Some roles we choose ourselves, others we do not. In some of them we feel comfortable and able to grow and develop, while in others, we feel that we have been forced into them and are under pressure to meet both internal and external expectations. Some of the roles we do not even consciously notice, so fulfilling them seems effortless. Others are a constant presence and cause us difficulties. Roles shape us and our identity merges with them. Some are temporary, some last for a lifetime.
We are all trying to find our way in this complex world and to understand which roles we are taking on and which context they are located in within society. We reflect on the image we have of ourselves and that which others have of us, and are influenced by the interaction between these images. Yet whichever roles we want or have to adopt, ultimately we strive to distinguish ourselves and stand out on account of our efforts to win the love and recognition of others through special achievements or qualities that we have developed or adopted. I too aspire towards my own definition of who I am and who I would like to be in the future.
Wheelchair user and athlete
On my personal path of establishing my identity and developing into who I am today, sport already played a key part early on. When I discovered my passion for parasports, new worlds opened up for me. The joy and the emotions I experience in training and competitions are indescribable. The pride in my achievements, the motivation to push my boundaries and the encouragement from others are great sources of strength for me. My ambition, discipline and commitment evolved and helped me – alongside a great deal of support – to get off to a good start in my sporting career. Even though I viewed myself as a “normal” child and athlete, my role as a boy with a disability was nevertheless a fact. In this section of my blog, I am going to focus primarily on this role and give you some very personal insights.
I was born and grew up with spina bifida, a birth defect in which an area of the spinal column does not form properly. I was privileged to enjoy a great childhood on a farm and always had plenty of support. I never had any problems accepting my disability. In part, this was probably due to a certain natural childhood naivety. But as I got older, a subtle unconscious process slowly began to take hold. It gradually became clear to me that the role I adopt would also be a challenge, in addition to my disability. I have always stressed that it is an advantage to have been born and grown up with impaired mobility and to have known nothing else, in contrast to people who become disabled later in life. However, I cannot deny that this also has some disadvantages. During childhood in particular, when our personalities are still developing, the impact of disabilities and other qualities that somehow make us different should not be underestimated, especially at a subconscious level. There are many experiences that we are unable to classify and differentiate between as children, and at the same time we regularly have to cope with unpleasant, formative situations, like being ostracised or having incontinence. Such situations can affect a child’s self-esteem and confidence. If a child is constantly reminded, perhaps only subliminally, that they are somehow different from and “weaker” than other children and therefore have a special status, this will undoubtedly have a lasting impact. Many experiences are denied to the child due to their circumstances, or are only possible with extra effort. The people around the child, especially parents and other family members, can have a positive impact in this regard via the way they raise and interact with the child. This can also be a great burden for parents, especially if they also have to be careful not to do anything that would overly disadvantage the child’s siblings. Birth defects are sometimes, but not always, associated with cognitive impairments. While it is important that the child’s boundaries are recognised and respected, they should also be challenged and supported in line with their strengths and weaknesses. Instead of overprotecting them, promoting the child’s empowerment should be the goal. Children with disabilities often spend a lot of time in healthcare facilities. As a result, they tend to spend more time in the “adult world” than with other children of their own age and are more dependent. I’m not trying to pass judgement here, merely to understand the role that I was born into.
Hero and victim
As a wheelchair user, I often live in a space somewhere between the distinct roles of “hero” and “victim”. Whereas in certain circumstances I am regarded as a role model who copes with his “fate” admirably, in exactly the same situation I can equally be viewed as a pitiful creature whose destiny no one would want to share. One of the things I value greatly about sport is that I receive recognition mainly for my achievements.
Not being taken seriously
Unfortunately the role of a person with disabilities often includes the annoying experience of not being taken seriously or not being treated as a “complete” individual – such as when I ask somebody a question and they reply to my companion, or when people speak about me rather than to me. Fortunately this only happens to me rarely nowadays. Occasionally, people will incorrectly assume that a person with a physical disability must also have a cognitive disability. Disability is often equated with weakness, with being in need of help, which brings me to the next topic.
Help
One experience I do not enjoy is when I am given unsolicited assistance. I personally don’t like it, for example, when someone pushes me in my wheelchair without asking, or when they ignore my “No, thank you!” and keep on wheeling me round. This mainly happens at airports in other countries – when I’m picked up from the gate in an extremely unwieldy, oversized airport wheelchair and taken to my connecting flight or to the baggage collection area where my own everyday wheelchair awaits, ready to release me from this humiliation.
The topic of help is an important one in general. I do have plenty of good experiences too, and particularly appreciate it when people ask if they can help irrespective of whether the other person has a disability or not. But even if an individual’s need for assistance appears obvious, we should nevertheless respect it if they politely decline. I generally regard it as my own responsibility to ask for help. Understandably, not everyone finds this easy. Asking for help can take a lot of effort, and some people have to learn how to do it first. It is often difficult to accept assistance without beginning to doubt one’s self-worth and dignity. However, a certain dependence on the people around us is the destiny of every wheelchair user – indeed of every person. The real skill lies in being able to encounter others as equals despite these dependencies and to treat one other with equality and respect.
Hesitating to interact
Something that I often encounter is that people are hesitant to interact with people living with disability. People have inhibitions and are afraid that they might unintentionally cause an injury or commit some kind of faux pas. These are very understandable concerns, and I never get cross about them. If I were an outsider, I would probably feel the same way. I don’t hold anyone responsible. The problem has to do with the attitude towards people with disabilities that prevailed in the past, including all the associated stereotypes and clichés.
To counter these fears, it is important to inform and educate society. Communication is crucial. If we show understanding and tolerance, we will achieve our goal far more effectively than if we stubbornly adopt a position of moral superiority and condescendingly inform others what to do, say and avoid.